A few days ago I entered
my 8th decade. Of course, I am still me but that
particular milestone has generated significant personal reflection.
Paul Simon's great words from, Old Friends, come to mind -
“Old friends sat on
their park bench like bookends. Can you imagine us years from today,
sharing a park bench quietly? How terribly strange to be seventy.
Time it was and what a time it was . . . “ Yes,
what a time it has been. But that sounds like finality, the end,
nothing more to come and I simply do not feel or believe that.
Rather, I feel, in some ways & certainly not to denigrate what
has come before, that life is just beginning.
Just
for reference purposes let's look at some stats. My dad was born in 1913. The average life expectancy of an American male at that time
was 50. In 1950, the year I was born, it was 65. Now, in 2020, it is
78. Dad was 37 when I was born & mom was 32. We moved to Milton
in 1966. I was 16, dad was 53, and mom was 48. The year Sue & I
were married (1970) dad was 57 and mom 52. Dad died in 1997 at 84 (he
beat the average). I was 47. Mom died in 2005 at 87 when I was 55.
So what does all that mean? Probably nothing but, at age 70, I find
these comparisons interesting and meaningful for me.
Sue &
I have lived at 533 E. High Street for 44 years and will be married
50 years at the end of July. I used to think that people who had
lived in their houses that long and who had been married that long
were really old. I have memories of attending 50-year wedding
anniversary parties with my parents when I was quite young. My
recollection of these couples was elderly – white hair, wrinkled
skin, bodies a bit the worse for wear - ah, the perspective of youth.
I do not feel old, well sometimes, nor do I see myself as old. Yes,
I do look in the mirror and after saying, “that can't be right”,
do face that reality. But, in most respects, I don't feel or see
myself as old.
But,
I also realize that being older is an advantage and something that
can be leveraged in many situations. As Madeline L'Engle stated, “The
great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other
ages you have been.” This is
heartening as the sum of all those earlier ages has made me what I am
today.
I
am a strong believer in individual responsibility and that my life is
the result of choices I have made. I do not know the author of these
words but I find them meaningful. “Everything you do is
based on the choices you make. It's not your parents, your past
relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or
your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every
decision and choice you make. Period!”
That's pretty sobering. These words from the Promise Keepers
movement of the 1990's drive this point further. “It is not
God's function to create or uncreate the circumstances and conditions
of your life. God created you, in the image and likeness of God. You
have created the rest. So this
tells me that as much as I would like to be able to blame someone
else, the fault is nearly always mine. “You can spend
your time chasing the weeds, or you can spend your time building a
strong lawn so the weeds won't grow.”
I
am also a believer in connections. One of my Top 5 Strengths from
Strengthsfinders is
Connectedness. Making connections and using them for good purposes in
the organizations and activities in which I am involved comes easily
to me. I sense that everything in life is somehow interrelated and
interdependent. Every event is somehow the consequence of a series of
actions, reactions, or lack of action. There are no coincidences. I
am confident that things are linked together for a purpose that may
or may not be revealed to me. God wired me this way. (check out Psalm
139: 13-16) As I look back on my life with its thousands of
connections I realize over and over that most of my life was simply
God's plan. I was a player equipped with certain skills and
abilities. God placed me where he knew I would flourish and be able
to contribute. In that regard I find these words from Herman Melville
most meaningful, “We cannot live only for ourselves. A
thousand fibers connect us with our fellow man; and among those
fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes and they
come back as effects.”
My
life was transformed in the context of advocates and mentors. I'd
like to say I was 'consciously competent' (that I knew what I was
doing) in seeking these people out, but the reality is that I was
'unconsciously competent' (I didn't really have a clue). God knew.
God had a plan. He just kept placing me where he knew I needed to be
and gave me people he knew I needed to have. I had little to do with
it.
We
don't get to choose our parents. I had great ones. As a child and
adolescent, I didn't always appreciate them but, as I gained
adulthood, I could see the phenomenal values they lived and instilled
in me and my siblings. When we are younger, we don't get to chose the
place where we will live. I was placed in great places to grow,
develop, and be nurtured. Places like Adams Center, NY, Westerly, RI,
and, what has become my “true” home, Milton, WI. Each of these
places provided key people and role models. This was no coincidence.
My
family moved to Milton when I was 16, between my sophomore and junior
year of high school. I had just started driving. We settled into,
what was then the nearly brand new parsonage, next to the SDB church.
I thought I was in the lap of luxury as we had a shower – we had
never had one before. I was also quite sure that my life had taken a
turn for the worse by being “forced” to move to Milton. I was
convinced I would get “stuck” going to Milton College and who
knows what would happen to me. Let it be known that I didn't really
have any other plans. I was just being an ornery adolescent. Well,
my life did take a significant turn but it was clearly for the better
rather than the worse. The local church had a very strong youth group
which provided a solid & safe base of operations. I connected
with people who impacted my life significantly. Please realize that I
didn't know this was happening. It is only on reflection that we
realize these things. One of these people was Sue. We met, became
acquainted, and married four years later. We have now been married
50 years. Who knows where the time goes?
I did
get “stuck” attending Milton College. There were people there
who stuck me good. Ron Herring, Audrey Eyler, Ken Smith, Leland Shaw,
Herb Crouch, Ivan FitzRandolph, & Ron Sommer to name a few.
At
that time I was planning to be a teacher. I had the good fortune of
being placed with Owen Moyer at Delavan Darien High School for my
student teaching experience. He was outstanding. I graduated in the
spring of 1972 and was successful at securing a 7th
grade social studies teaching position at Burlington Junior High
School (right on the edge of my commuting range from Milton). The
story of my interview with the Burlington District Administrator was
clearly one of connections but that is a story in and of itself. I
was privileged to work with experienced professionals like, Tom
Pringle, who taught me so much about working with 12 – 14 year
olds.
While
still teaching and after I had earned an MS in Guidance &
Counseling from UW-Whitewater, I began working for the Merchants &
Savings Bank of Janesville and the M & S Bancorp. I worked
vacations and summers microfilming documents, shredding paper, and
other odd jobs as needed. I had nothing to do with getting this job
– it landed on me. Little did I know the forward-looking,
cutting-edge culture of the this local banking group. I would not
even have been able to tell you what corporate culture was. This was
a good job that was not taxing to me and provided the financial
supplement I needed to my teaching salary. But wait, I was asked by
this management team to consider applying for a new position they had
created – Training Director. I replied that I knew nothing about
banking and they replied that they knew that but were interested in
me for other reasons. Huge decision for me – possibly leaving a
career for which I had programmed myself for a long time. I threw my
hat in the ring and was successful in getting the job. It was then
that I realized that I had been interviewed, unbeknownst to me, by
the M & S people for several months. Who knew? Not me. I left
teaching and joined Corporate America. As Training Director, I worked
within what was then called the Personnel Department. One thing led
to another – Merchants & Savings became Bank of Wisconsin which
subsequently was acquired by Valley Bancorporation of Appleton. By
then I certainly knew what corporate culture was and like to think I
helped create and pass it on to others. Oh, the mentors &
advocates, the phenomenal people who taught me, coached me, and
helped me grow. Rising to the top of a long list are: Rollie
McClellan, Ron Ochs, Alan Dunwiddie, Jean Austin, Bob Stone, Bill
Doan, Mary Masterson, Jack Eastman, Peter Jacobs, Karon Speer, Judy
Bothun, Jane Stevenson, Jim Harrison, Chuck Sauter, Paul Whiteman,
Patty Schumacher, Mary Willmer, Marcy Weber, and Betsy Lubke. I
remember the day Rollie came striding into my office. I thought I
might be being fired. Instead he enthusiastically thrust out his hand
and stated he had just come from his Board meeting and wanted to be
the first to congratulate the bank's newest Vice President. I had not
a clue this was coming.
Banking
was volatile at that time, late 80's – early 90's, with many, many
mergers and acquisitions occurring all over the state and the
country. While not privy to any secret information, I was pretty
sure that Valley Bancorporation would be acquired and, if so, I would
no longer have a job, at least not in Janesville. This was a bit
unsettling, but through an interesting series of connections and
contacts, none of which could be labeled proactive on my part, I was
called to interview for the position of Director of Human Resources
for Mercy Health System. Some would call these events coincidences. I
would not. This is another story in and of itself for another time.
Suffice it to say that I left banking and joined Corporate
Healthcare, another huge transition for me. This allowed me to remain
living in good old Milton. Again, the transformative advocates and
mentors made their appearance: Javon Bea, Joe Nemeth, Debra Geihsler,
Kathy Harris, Dawn Olson, Mary Kay Walker, Teresa Smithrud, Pete
Metherall, Ron DelCiello, Don Janczak, Carol May, Heather Niles, Mike
Sheehy, Candy Thompson, Mamoon Syed, and countless others. This
occurred right at the beginning of Mercy's major growth. It was a
most interesting, seldom dull ride, chock-a-block full of challenges,
learning, and growth. After about 20 years of service I retired from
Mercy.
I
did not retire to do nothing. I am heavily invested in the Milton
Community through a broad spectrum of activities. It is seldom that I
am bored. I have too many interests, too many things to do, too many
books to read. I find that “opportunities” continue to come my
way. I am not looking for them but I don't like to close the door on
possibilities until I have checked them out. Coincidences? I don't
think so. (Remember that reference to Psalm 139 – don't be afraid
to check it out) I refer to myself as a Community Catalyst. A
catalyst helps generate change, not by adding heat or pressure, but
by providing an alternate route, by removing barriers. As I work in
the community, I try hard to remove barriers and bring people
together. Success comes in incremental steps, individual by
individual, relationship by relationship. “Seemingly
insignificant relationships are as important as the very memorable
ones. Believing this will change every experience in one's life.”
Karen Casey
So
here I am – 70 years old – living in a community that I love –
enjoying strong relationships throughout the community, especially
those with my four grandsons. I barely knew my grandparents – they
simply lived too far away - so I treasure these four young men and
how our lives are twined together. Thus, I have to proclaim, even in
the midst of a pandemic, life is good. Good depends not on things but
on the use we make of things. I, we, cannot evade the obligation to
take full responsibility for what we individually do.
How
terribly strange to be 70? Yes, and how terribly good.
#cruzan4milton#WAM
